It’s scary when I see kids growing up so fast right now, kids I just have cuddled & carried before, now already talking like an adult & almost already towering me. And here I am, still almost the same. The developments in them can’t help me but to ask myself where are my own developments?
When I was younger, I had this beautiful dream that one day, I would also settled, I’ll have an established job or a business of my own, and a family compose of a wife and a 2 to 4 kids to take care of. Yet I am already 31 years old, and this still remains to be a dream. With my own failed relationships before, add the broken relationships / marriages of some of my friends, it’s a struggle to keep this dream alive. I do have all these nagging questions & an ever-frightening thought of would I ever still have that dream?
Now it is scarier when I already realized and accepted that there are really things, which are not really bound to happen because it is not meant to happen in the first place.
Before it was easier because any failures of fears could be put to blame to others. It is easier to blame the women, for their betrayal or their lack of courage or even God for letting things happen & putting me in misery.
Being 31 somewhat helped me to grow and mature. Acceptance is still a painful process but it is easier now to understand and forgive. For those who have hurt and wronged me, those who have failed me, those who have contributed to doubt myself, I am just praying for you.
I might be getting old in my standards, but as long as I am feeling good looking and young at heart, I guess what the heck. I might have gone through a bad and failed relationship, but I am not going to make it a reason not to fall in love again and take a risk of finding the relationship I dream.
I will continue to get old, seek love, hope, pray and dream… until I’ll found what i’m looking for…