I guess there really comes a point in a person’s life when you reach that so-called saturation point. And that’s when you say I can’t take it anymore, I’m just so tired of what’s been happening, of everything.
Today, I realized something that I think I’ve been denying even to myself for so long. I think I’ve been secretly wishing and hoping that everything will turn out fine. That I would wake up one day and realize that it was just a bad dream. But then, it just hit me so suddenly that I couldn’t help but feel so sad. I feel so sad because I know deep inside my heart that it is real. That whatever I do, I can never change the past, I can never change what’s been done, and I can never make things go back to the way it was before. I know I’ve made mistakes but I refuse to say that everything was my mistake because it’s not. But I know I can try to make things a bit better. But sometimes it’s just so tiring to reach out when you don’t even know where you stand anymore. It’s just so confusing. Mahirap ang nangangapa sa dilim.
Am I giving up? I really don’t know. I hope not. Siguro nga, only time will tell what will happen. Whatever it is that will happen, I’m just praying that I will have the strength to understand it, and the courage to accept it. If things will become better, I would be very happy. If not, then so be it. But I think what I’m trying to say is that I need closure first so that I can finally go on with my life without that cloud hanging over my head. Whatever this post will lead to, only God knows. But all I can say is that this is what I honestly feel.
It’s a bittersweet feeling knowing that I’ve finally understood that sometimes, only memories of good things will remain after the storm.
What happens after the storm will depend on how you assess the damage that has been left by that storm. It’s either you emerge from that storm stronger or you let that storm ruin everything. Which one will it be? And that’s the million dollar question left to answer…