To the people who still dont understand me and to the people who already have misunderstood me (which happens to be quite a lot of you.) Since not everyone is a freiken psychiatrist or psychologist who knows how to read people like an open book, this blog entry is for you.
Its not that i dont want to answer your question,
its just that i dont want to lie to you.
Its not that i dont want to talk to you,
its just that i have nothing to say or tell you.
Its not that i’m quiet,
its just that i dont speak unless i’m spoken to.
Its not that i’m ungrateful,
its just that i feel like i dont deserve such generosity or kind gesture.
Its not that i dont know how or dont want to apologize,
its just that i feel like i wouldn’t be forgiven.
Its not that i dont want to help,
its just that i think that you wouldn’t want it coming from me.
Its not that i dont sympathize or feel sorry for you,
its just that i think that you are not being reasonable or rational.
Its not that i dont want to hang out with you,
its just that i think someone doesnt want you to hang out with me.
Its not that i dont want to come to your party,
its just that i think somebody dont want me to be there.
And the reason why i’m uncomfortable saying “i love you” [to those that matter to me] is because
(bitin ba? Pasensya na ha? Di ko kasi kayang i-explain e)
Hindi naman sa ayaw kita pansinin,
di lang talaga kita napansin. Baka busy lang ako nun o may iniisip (…na malungkot).
Hindi naman sa kuripot ako,
may pinag-iipunan lang kasi ako. (ngiti sabay kindat)
Hindi naman sa isnabero ako,
mahiyain lang talaga ako. (pikit mata sabay ngiti at nakalabas ang dila)
Hindi naman sa madamot ako,
gutom na gutom lang talaga ako at kulang pa sa akin yung kinakain ko. Yaan mo, pag may sobra, sa ‘yo na. (taas dalawang kilay sabay ngiti)
So to those of you mentioned above, I hope that would clear things up.